Changing Oneself

I was reading an article in the newspaper recently where the writer was talking about how when he makes a judgement of another he adds the words “just like me”.  He says this is a little trick he has been using to keep himself reminded to focus more on his own behaviour and changing himself.
We are so focused generally on changing others. We see others as the cause of our problems. It is her bad form that is dragging me down.  It is his anger that has me feeling low and discouraged.  He doesn’t fulfill my needs – that’s why I am unhappy.  She wants things so much her own way that I don’t know what I want.Image 
The only person you can change is yourself.  When you are focused on changing others, you just end up stuck in the same old experiences over and over.
Other people don’t cause your feelings and experience.  They are the catalyst that stirs up your feelings but the feelings are yours.
It is such a big step toward healing, to accept that the only person you can change is yourself.  This is when the learning and growing really begin.
And when we change ourselves we help all because we are all connected.  When I am lifted up, all are lifted up.
We have learned to believe that the fault is out there, the cause of my suffering is outside of myself.  This keeps the suffering going on and on – nothing much changing.  There is also a deep-seated pattern of needing to see the problem as out there because it is too awful to have to see it as a fault in ourselves.
This is perhaps linked with a faulty belief that we are bad.  We fear  looking at our faults and weaknesses because we are so self-critical and for this reason, to acknowledge our inappropriate behaviour, is anticipated as devastating. It brings us back to the feeling of the child being told she/he is bold.
The truth is that we are all dealing with the same old negative ego faulty thought system and as we acknowledge the way it is operating in ourselves, we can free ourselves of it and choose differently.
So long as we fear looking at it and allow shame, we stay stuck.  We miss out on the power and love that comes from taking responsibility for our own reactions and faulty beliefs. When we are ready to accept our own stuff with love, and to clear it, we stop putting so much energy into hiding and trying to change others.  We become more compassionate toward self and others.
We open to more love and understanding of self and others.
When we are ready to accept our own stuff with love and to change ourselves, we allow healing and growth.


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