“How are you angry?” was a question one of my teachers used to ask. An excellent question because many of us would believe that it’s only those who express anger directly, that are angry.
We all need to look at and to understand how we are angry. Some react strongly and suddenly and blurt it out. Some go quiet or walk away. Some get depressed. Think about how you behave when you are angry.
Some have grown up believing that you shouldn’t be angry – anger is bad. Hurt is ok but not anger. Hurt and anger are closely linked.
Many believe that you need to let out your anger otherwise you keep it inside and it eats you up. However letting out your anger doesn’t help and it mostly increases feelings of anger and feeling bad.
The key is to acknowledge your anger, to see it and then to seek to understand it. Other people and situations are triggers but they are not the cause of your anger. Other people and situations are helping you to recognise you are angry and this is an opportunity to listen to your anger and understand the cause of it so that you can resolve it.
It’s our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and interpretations that cause our anger. If I think the other person has put me down, I lash back. The truth is no one can put me down unless that is what I allow.
Our interpretations and the stories we tell ourselves often trigger anger within us and they keep us in a kind of prison.
Every time I recognise my anger and take responsibility for it, I am allowing myself to learn and grow and understand more deeply. I am no longer at the mercy of my feelings. I am using my mind and getting clear on what is causing my anger. I am no longer in the prison of giving my power away to my feelings and blaming other people or situations for them.