Preferences as opposed to Attachments  

Bluebells VP

Buddha said “All suffering comes from attachments and wrong points of view”.

Whenever you are challenged it is worth looking into what is the attachment – what am I attached to in this situation. All our lessons and challenges could be looked at from this perspective and this would help us to understand more clearly what a lesson or challenge is teaching us.

The ego is what brings us into the realm of attachment – attachment to being liked, to being approved of, to fitting in, to making an impression, to being right, to convincing the other person, to feeling safe, to feeling comfortable, to not being criticised, to not being thought stupid or put down, to things being pleasant, to having things to look forward to [as if my happiness depends on this].

These are just some of the ones that come to mind for me as I think about what we can be attached to but there are many more.

So if I practise non-attachment it’s very different. I would say to myself “I have a super strong preference for this thing to happen or for this outcome but I am not attached to it”. This is a very different energy. I am acknowledging my preference but not believing that my happiness, my life, depends on it. Think about this.

If I am deeply attached to something my life can be on hold – my life is all focused on this one thing. I may see it as the one thing that will make me happy, bring me fulfilment. My ego has fixated on this. It’s an experience of contraction. This is a difficult place for a person to find themselves.

It can really make a difference to move to the level of Spirit, of Soul and ask help to understand the bigger picture. State your preference and then let it go and practise Trust. Say to yourself, if this is for me, it will come to me. If it is not, it’s because there is something else and better for me that my limited understanding isn’t comprehending as yet. Also it may not be coming now because it’s not the time – it may still come [but again no attachment here]. There is nothing I am doing wrong and this is not punishment – it’s much more about my Soul’s path, the unfolding of my journey.

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Centering  

The sky MB

We are so much out there outside of ourselves feeling liked or not liked, loved or not loved, admired or not – buffeted around by life.

So long as we think of ourselves as a physical body and an ego, we feel separate and under threat, in fight or flight mode. We need to remember who we truly are – Spirit, a soul on an important journey. When I am thinking this way, I take on my life, I take charge.

When you are in a social situation you may find that you are trying to work out what’s expected of you, how to fit in, how to be interesting – trying to feel ok, safe. It’s so different to centre yourself, to come back into yourself, to become aware of the Soul within, of Spirit and to become aware of the love, power and wisdom within. It’s so different to centre in your heart and seek to be true to yourself and to focus on connection rather than separation. It’s so different to be still [just to have a sense of this even in a social situation] and centred in your heart, seeking the best for all.

I use my journal to affirm that this is how I want to be – this is how I want to think. I write about how I want to choose love and transcend fear and to truly understand how we are all connected. I know that the more I focus my mind and heart this way, the more that is what I experience – love and connection.

When I find myself pulled to judge another, I say to myself I don’t want to judge anyone.  Why would I want this? It’s just an old, ingrained negative habit.  I affirm to myself that I want the best for others as well as myself.  I care and I wish no harm to anyone – only good.

Understanding Power                

Sweep of strong seaMBju13

Why is it so important to develop our personal power, the power that is within each of us?

When I first came to learn about personal power it made a whole big difference to my understanding.  Looking back on my life up to that time, I could see how understanding personal power would have made a mighty difference to my experience.

First of all I had the idea that femininity and timidity went together. I didn’t think of myself as strong. I was described as a shy child and thought this was who I was until I understood that shyness is simply a derivative of fear and I needed to change this and be true to my true self.  It takes personal power to be true to oneself – to stand by what you see as the best or the good – not with aggression but with firmness, while also respecting the views of the other person.

How did personal power change my experience and deepen my understanding?

I began to understand how I gave my power away – in all sorts of ways – to other people, to my feelings and emotions [especially fear], to my physical body, to negativity, to the inner child.

I began to understand that we all have this power within us and we need to claim it, acknowledge it, each morning and use it, otherwise it stays underdeveloped. It helped me to be conscious of my thoughts and to start choosing the thoughts I allow into my mind, to learn to respond rather than react, to stop negative focus, to move out of my comfort zone, to be decisive, to have courage, to make changes, to follow my inner guidance, to see where I was procrastinating and take action, to be focused and clear, to stop giving my power away and instead use it to become a better person and to discover my purpose and to give in whatever way I can give.

Personal power is essential because without it we cannot be effective in life – we tend to go with the flow, drifting along and tossed about by the storms of life, rather than take charge and make the very best of this precious opportunity to learn, to grow and to discover.

Love or Fear  

Yellowgrassbeachsea

Just think there are only 2 emotions – love and fear. All the negative emotions we experience come from fear.  All the positive emotions we experience come from love.

We experience fear because we believe in separation.  Separation is another word for fear. We experience fear because we think we are a physical body and an ego. The ego sees separation and loneliness.

We have forgotten who we truly are. We have an ego but we are not the ego. We are Soul, Spirit and life is precious.  The Soul sees oneness and connection.  How different.

The ego has us constantly in flight or fight mode, under threat, trying to please, to fit in.

When we attune to Soul, to Spirit we are focused on truth and meaning and purpose, learning, growing, evolving, oneness.

When you feel the pull to fear, to upset, stop and think about it rather than going with your feelings.  Think what it looks like to see this situation through the perspective of ego and separation.  Then think what it is like to see it from the perspective of the Soul.

The Soul sees everything as a lesson, a challenge and an opportunity to grow.  Your energy then goes into seeing solutions and seeing the opportunity that this lesson is bringing to you. You don’t feel a victim of what has happened – you are taking charge and ready to learn and grow.

Your energy isn’t being drained in struggling against what has happened.  You are busy learning and growing, deepening your understanding and using the love, power and wisdom that is within you.

Every moment of our lives, we have the choice to choose love or fear.  Think about this.

Thinking about Anger  

SealMBJu13

“How are you angry?” was a question one of my teachers used to ask.  An excellent question because many of us would believe that it’s only those who express anger directly, that are angry.

We all need to look at and to understand how we are angry.  Some react strongly and suddenly and blurt it out. Some go quiet or walk away.  Some get depressed.  Think about how you behave when you are angry.

Some have grown up believing that you shouldn’t be angry – anger is bad. Hurt is ok but not anger. Hurt and anger are closely linked.

Many believe that you need to let out your anger otherwise you keep it inside and it eats you up. However letting out your anger doesn’t help and it mostly increases feelings of anger and feeling bad.

The key is to acknowledge your anger, to see it and then to seek to understand it. Other people and situations are triggers but they are not the cause of your anger. Other people and situations are helping you to recognise you are angry and this is an opportunity to listen to your anger and understand the cause of it so that you can resolve it.

It’s our thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and interpretations that cause our anger.  If I think the other person has put me down, I lash back. The truth is no one can put me down unless that is what I allow.

Our interpretations and the stories we tell ourselves often trigger anger within us and they keep us in a kind of prison.

Every time I recognise my anger and take responsibility for it, I am allowing myself to learn and grow and understand more deeply.  I am no longer at the mercy of my feelings. I am using my mind and getting clear on what is causing my anger.  I am no longer in the prison of giving my power away to my feelings and blaming other people or situations for them.