The need to be liked



Certain beliefs pretty much control us such as the belief that I need to be liked, approved of – I have to please others, I have to fit in.

It really is enlightening and freeing to sit and journal about beliefs such as these and to ask why do I need to please, to be approved of, to be liked? When I first reflected on these questions and journaled about them I found it really enlightening to see that, behind this need, was the fear of being rejected, not belonging, being out on my own. Because of this unconscious fear I would push down anything that would rock the boat. I would avoid being true to myself.

I became more aware of how I was in social situations – watching out for what was expected of me, how I should be, what I should say. I was living disconnected from myself, outside of myself, trying to figure out what was expected, what was “right” – as if I would only discover what was “right” from the expectations of others or what I believed to be the expectations of me in any given situation.

I am not at all suggesting that the way is to disregard other people or to not care about getting on with them.  It is also very important to understand that being true to your Self does not mean foisting your opinion on others or aggression or doing your own thing at the expense of others.  Being true to your Self is about listening to your inner guidance, to your Soul, whilst also honouring and respecting others.

Now when I am in social situations my focus is on being true to myself, being in my heart, being love, connecting with others – not needing them to like me and approve of me but wanting to be there truly with them, to love and care for them, to be real. This energy nourishes me too.

It is, of course, still a pull to want to be liked because this pattern goes deeply for us and has been operating for a long time.  We equate being liked with life going well. We don’t like the discomfort of not being liked and the feeling of being wrong which this brings up in us.

Thinking I am not approved of or pleasing can bring us into a feeling of discomfort and we generally equate discomfort with being wrong. This is not the case. Discomfort is mostly telling us we are out of our comfort zone. This is a good time to journal and understand more as, otherwise, you might find yourself denying your truth just to get back into your comfort zone.

This need to be liked and the fear behind it, are caused by the belief in separation, the belief that you are a physical body, an ego and on your own – that it’s up to you to make yourself safe by fitting in and generally conforming. The more you connect and work with your Higher Self, the more you will understand that you are not separate, you are not alone – ever.