About gillianriordan

I am a psychotherapist and coach in the area of psychological and spiritual health and well being. I am passionate about my work - it has helped and enlightened me and helped me to move forward and understand the real causes of suffering in my life. It has helped me to understand what holds me back and how I can create healthy change and find solutions to any challenge. I am married for many years and we have 6 daughters and 7 grandchildren. My business is Creating Happy and Fulfilling Relationships and I now understand why it is that your relationship to yourself is the most important relationship in your life. It all starts here.

Anger

Seafootprintssky

 

Anger is a very interesting emotion to examine, to expand our knowledge about. I used to believe I wasn’t an angry person until I was training in psychotherapy and the director asked us one day, “How are you angry, How do you express your anger?”  We were to reflect on this and write about it. I used to describe myself as a person who would get hurt. Now I realise hurt and anger are really part of the same emotion – like 2 sides of the one emotion. Some people experience hurt but aren’t aware of the anger behind the hurt. Others feel angry but aren’t aware of the hurt behind the anger.

As I wrote about anger I realised I expressed my anger as resentment and going silent, withdrawing.

It makes such a difference to realise when you are angry and to be able to acknowledge this and know it’s your own anger – not caused by anyone else, but caused by some belief, attitude interpretation or story you live by.

When we can recognise and acknowledge our own anger and don’t blame it on another or on an outside situation, we can begin to look at why we are reacting with anger and that truly deepens our understanding, not only of ourselves but of others too. Anger really stems from fear. We live as if we are a physical body, an ego and separate, under threat because I must ensure my own safety, I must be constantly on the alert ready for fight or flight. We are very disconnected from our true Self because we live on the outside constantly concerned with trying to fit in, be liked, be loved, be approved of, do the “right” thing, live up to what the world deems to be success – all fear-based.

Fear stems from the illusion that we are separate.  In truth we are Souls, divine, and love and unity are the truth that we are all being shown in these times. All the world challenges are calling on us to work together for the greater good and where we act out of fear, only difficulties, hardship and wars ensue. Even take Brexit – that’s an act of fear and separation and the road is strewn with difficulties. We will discover wonderful, amazing solutions as we choose love, oneness and all of us working together for the greater good. One great effect of the Trump regime is the way people are standing up much more for what they believe and taking action, taking up their power to believe there is a better way.

We will also bring about complete destruction of our earth unless we work together for the greater good of our earth. If we work together to see how we are the cause of the problems of our earth, not only will we be more in harmony with one another and our earth in doing this but it will bring us to far, far better ways of living and sharing than we had ever believed possible. We in Ireland, must, for example, take very seriously how we can all work together, starting at community level, to reduce our carbon emissions now. It’s hard to see solutions now but if we work together and discern the way forward with Spirit, it will improve economies, increase jobs and businesses that serve the earth and generally improve life for all. We are all connected. We are all in this together.

More to come on anger in 2 weeks time.

 

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The benefits of Daily Practice

 

Setting up the daily practice of meditation and journaling might seem impossible at first, but if you persevere you will come to feel the benefits of it and it gets easier to fit it in. It helps you to be more aware and more connected to yourself and others.

Many people are very unaware of reactions and upsets they experience in a day and think they have nothing to journal about.

As you take the time to prepare yourself for the day ahead and journal, you will become much more aware of what’s going on for you.

As you become more aware of what’s going on for you, you will understand more and see more clearly what needs clearing and healing in your consciousness.

RiverSkyDuskMBMake the effort to create this sacred space where you connect with yourself and with your Higher Self every day.  It’s essential to you. You can’t grow and get out of the madness of stress and rush until you do.

 

 

 

 

More about working with the Laws

Purple Flower JuneJR

What you sow, you reap. What you give out, you get back.

If you are angry, letting it loose on others or allowing it to fester inside you, you will experience anger coming at you from others. And your anger will just keep building. This is such an upsetting and wild vibration to be carrying around in your aura. The key is to acknowledge your anger and what has caused it – from within you. Journal about it and ask your Higher Self to enlighten you as to what faulty thinking in you is causing this anger. This is so helpful and you will find it more and more so as you get used to journaling and working with your Higher Self because you will be tuning in more and more to your inner guidance and so it will become stronger. You will be developing your connection to your inner wisdom, and, understanding so much more.

If you are kind and seek to love and to respond positively and spiritually, you will radiate this energy and will attract it to you. What you give out, you get back.

What you focus on increases. What you give attention to grows.

Most of us know how we can get very focused on the irritating habits of another we are close to. We think that’s just the way it is and we have to put up with it.  We try to change them, put them right. The law here tells us that what we focus on increases. So we notice it more and more and it becomes bigger and bigger in our minds and more and more irritating. If instead you see this as a lesson to work with this law, then you realise that you need to stop this focus,

Journal about why it irritates you and what this tells you about yourself. Do you do this thing or something like it that you might be blind to? What is it teaching you, that this habit in the other irritates you? Choose, instead, to focus on what you love and admire in the other. After all isn’t this what you truly want to see more and more of? If you make this effort you will see how you notice that irritating habit less and less and love grows. What more could you ask for.

What you hold in the mind, you create, make happen, what you expect, you bring toward you. You get what you expect. It’s worth observing the thoughts you have and, doing this for an hour a day to start with, to help you get used to being more aware of your thoughts. We are so unaware of all those thousands of thoughts that run through our minds without any consciousness on our part of what we are allowing to inhabit our minds. You will observe that so often you are anticipating troubles. It’s such an ingrained habit that for the most part we are all unaware of. Look at how much people worry as if it’s essential to worry and part of the human condition. Yet worry is negative affirmation, focus on what you don’t want to happen! You see how important it is to change this habit and to consciously choose to focus on what you do want, the outcome you want for yourself or another or the world.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought”. Buddha. We put the life we have, the experiences we have, down to luck, a matter of luck, for the most part but, in truth, our life experience is the result of what we have thought and expected.

“Life is not happening to you. Life is responding to you.” I Am University

We have unconsciously been creating all that we are and experience, not realising the power of the mind. Now it is time to wake up and become conscious of how we are thinking and use this power to consciously create for the good of ourselves and all.

 

Giving yourself time to prepare

We need to connect with ourselves rather than throw ourselves into life in the same old way every day – unprepared.

Most people find they resist getting out of bed and want to doze for a few minutes more, but that is when the anxious, worry thoughts gather in your mind.

Make it a goal to get up when you wake up – no excuses – and to use that precious time to connect with yourself and with your Soul, your Spirit.

Use this time to sit in meditation and to write in your journal about anything that upset you the day before, how you reacted and what it was teaching you.

BlueButterflyMBYou will find yourself prepared for your day, more mindful, more focused and more connected when you start your day this way.

Working with the Law

SeaAustraliaskyVP

 

What does it mean to work with the law and what is the purpose of the Universal laws?

The laws are there to keep us on track to discovering truth, to help us to understand why we suffer so that we can change this and to help us to understand how the cause of our suffering is within us. So if we want to heal and stop experiencing the same old lessons in life then we need to work with the Law – to discover them and apply them/live them so that they can help us. They are not there to punish us but to guide us to deeper understanding.

The cause of your suffering is not outside you even though that is a belief we have held for a long time in spite of it not helping at all. It’s also easier to see the faults of others while difficult to see our own but the more you work with becoming more and more aware of when you are upset and  why it is upsetting you, the more conscious you become. You are no longer pulled into feeling the victim of your suffering.

It’s not about changing others and making them understand – believing that this is what will make you happy. It’s about seeing lessons, upsets, as challenges and opportunities to learn exactly what you need to learn now so that you can progress on your Spiritual path and expand your consciousness, your understanding, growing in love and compassion.

 

Let’s focus on the Law of Cause and Effect. Every cause has an effect and every effect has a cause.

If you have a headache or any other physical symptom, that is an effect. Don’t cover it over with a quick fix – ignoring this important message your body is giving you. Instead trace the effect back to the cause.

If you are experiencing anger or any other negative emotion, trace the emotion back to the thoughts, interpretations, beliefs, attitudes, that caused the negative emotion. Think about and understand what has caused the effect of the negative emotion and make adjustments. What do you need to clear and heal?

If you find you are playing a thought or experience over and over in your mind, take your journal and listen to what’s going on for you. It seems like something has upset you and your mind is dwelling on it, playing the experience back and so your emotions are getting stronger and stronger and the whole experience is growing out of all proportion. You need to write it down and make a choice. Do I want this to take me over like this and ruin my day? Or do I want to understand why it upset me, see it as a lesson and learn what it is teaching me? Then you need to work hard to let it go – so every time your mind focuses on the experience you use your personal power and say no and immediately think of something else, or sing or listen to music, choose love, joy, peace and so forth. It’s not easy but the more you seek to take charge and to not let negative thoughts and emotions take you over, the stronger you get and the more power you have to not let negativity and ego take you over.

I find it helps me to make a statement such as I am choosing love. I will not allow this negativity to take me over. Don’t get put out if the thoughts come up again just persist in not allowing them. You see you are focusing on the experience as unfair and feel put down, put in the wrong because of it and you want revenge. But that’s just the pull back into playing the negative ego, fear-based separative game which keeps you imprisoned in negative ego repeating the same old patterns. That’s what causes wars – being stuck in the same old thinking and believing it’s the only way to change things. Why do we keep believing that, when it never changes anything and just keeps the lesson repeating? As soon as you learn the lesson of a challenge you don’t need to experience that lesson again. That’s a lesson learned.

 

Solitude and time to connect

rowingboatsonriverVP

We need time with others and equally we need time in solitude, time to be quiet, time to connect and reflect.

Many avoid time alone, feel threatened by it. Write in your journal about your attitude to time alone.

When choosing what to do as a treat, not many choose time to be quiet, still, reflect and connect and yet this is such a wonderful way to nourish and replenish your Spirit.

Try walking barefoot on the grass, spending time among the trees, time in nature and becoming aware of energies.

Try sitting in a quiet place in your home, lighting a candle, closing your eyes and focusing on your breath.  Become aware of the present moment and energy.

 

 

The Universal Laws

 

SeaAustraliaskyVP

The Laws of the Universe are there to help us to learn our way back to love and truth. So when we are off track, out of balance, stuck in some faulty thinking, belief, interpretation, attitude, we have lessons and challenges. These are not a punishment, bad, wrong for us. They are exactly what we need to show us what needs healing and clearing so that we can progress along our spiritual path. If we don’t heed these lessons and seek to understand what they are teaching us, they come back again and again until we do heed them, listen to them and seek to learn what they are teaching us. Each one of us, if we think about it, can see lessons, hard experiences that have been repeated over and over in our lives.

So we learn in the school of hard knocks until we take responsibility for ourselves and the suffering we experience and seek to understand what it means, what it is teaching us. We take leadership over our energies and stop giving our power away to the victim and powerlessness and blame.

To help us with this we need to work with the Universal Laws.

We all recognise some of the physical laws such as the law of gravity but most have never thought about the laws at the psychological level even though we are familiar with a lot of them.

Some of these are –

What you hold in the mind, you create, make happen, what you expect, you bring toward you.

“All that we are is the result of what we have thought”. Buddha

Every cause has an effect and every effect has a cause.

What you sow, you reap. What you give out, you get back.

What you focus on increases. What you give attention to grows.

If you are feeling low its telling you something.  If you sit with your journal and listen using questions such as –

Why am I feeling low?

What do I think is causing this? Ask your Higher Self and Spirit to help you to understand.

Try to trace the feeling back to thoughts you have been entertaining.

If you persevere, you will understand what’s going on for you and what you need to do to clear and heal this experience.

It’s wonderful to make the effort to do this work and take charge of your energies rather than letting them run you. Now you are in charge and you have the power to make different choices and to change your experience.