About gillianriordan

I am a psychotherapist and coach in the area of psychological and spiritual health and well being. I am passionate about my work - it has helped and enlightened me and helped me to move forward and understand the real causes of suffering in my life. It has helped me to understand what holds me back and how I can create healthy change and find solutions to any challenge. I am married for many years and we have 6 daughters and 7 grandchildren. My business is Creating Happy and Fulfilling Relationships and I now understand why it is that your relationship to yourself is the most important relationship in your life. It all starts here.

Cause and Effect 2



If you have a negative emotion, trace it back to a negative thought – don’t fall into being a victim of the negative emotion. Take your journal and ask your Higher Self [HS] about the cause of the negative emotion. The cause will always be from within – from your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, interpretations, negative expectations.

If you are feeling moody, don’t give into your physical and emotional bodies and go around listless and moody all day. Use your mind to discover the negative thought that’s causing the moodiness. Or it may be caused by what you ate or drank the night/day before.  This gives you the opportunity to resolve the negative emotion and take charge of your bodies.

One morning I went down to my computer in good form but as I was leaving my office I noticed my mood had changed. I was feeling a bit defeated. So I thought about why this might be and realised that as a result of reading a particular email I had compared myself with another and felt inferior. I realised I had interpreted this email as this person being so successful in what they were doing that it was showing me up. There was likely some jealousy in there too. I journaled and noted how this was a negative ego fear-based reaction – fear of another’s success rather than celebrating their success as something we all gain from. It doesn’t take away from me [only if I’m looking through the false lens of ego and relating everything to myself]. So different to celebrate another’s success and realising this is there for all of us so long as we live in this expectation and belief. The other is sharing how they have done it and helping us to recognise the great gifts which we all have if we choose to see it this way and don’t allow the illusion of ego.



Cause and Effect




One of the important Universal Laws that we have to guide us on our way through life and help us to stay on track, is the Law of Cause and Effect. Every cause has an effect. Every effect has a cause. When we begin to consciously work with this Law we are taking responsibility for what we are experiencing. We use our power to think when we seek to understand the cause of the effect we are experiencing.  We see how we are being a victim when we don’t think about what has caused our experiences and take responsibility.  We tend to feel powerless. We are learning and growing and understanding how we can improve our experience and take charge when we work with the Law of Cause and Effect..


Buddha said “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

We are beginning to hear this message coming from many different sources. We hear it but to live it is a different matter. It tells us if we want to have a different experience we must change our thoughts. This entails becoming aware of the thoughts you have and as you work to do this you realise how unaware of these we generally are. Building awareness is so good and the key is to not judge these thoughts. Instead acknowledge them and your courage to be aware of them and also to realise that these are not who you are.  These negative thoughts that take up so much of our thinking are the result, the effect, of our living in the illusion that we are just a physical body, an ego, on our own, under threat, in constant danger and needing to devote our lives to fitting in, trying to be safe, be liked, approved of, thought well of.  In truth you are a soul, divine and as you make the journey within to discover who you really are you expand your understanding of yourself, others, the Universe and the meaning and purpose of life.

Try being aware of how often you have negative expectations and use words that focus on negative outcomes and then see how often you experience these negative outcomes. You get what you expect.

Thoughts and words are powerful. They create our reality.

Opening to the New

eagle flyingMBSept13

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”  Albert Einstein

Many of us are stuck in old thinking, old, unquestioned beliefs. Why do you think we fear the new, what’s different? Why do we close our minds? We might say in reply because you have to be careful. You don’t want to let anyone influence you in the wrong way. But sure this is happening all the time with the fear put out daily and repeatedly through the media, through various violent/abusive TV programmes and films and a lot of ads too – all these influence us and can have a strong negative effect. We don’t question these.
I think new ideas, new ways of seeing things, bring us out of our comfort zone. We equate discomfort with wrong and so we reject the new as ridiculous, way out, mad. In our comfort zone we feel what we would call security.
We do need to learn to discern carefully.

We also need to realise that we have an inner compass, our Higher Self, guiding us and helping us to know truth. Truth is something we know from within but it takes time to develop this ability. We need to practise discernment – use our conscious minds and common sense too.  If you have heard a new idea that you are wondering about but also doubtful about because it seems so different, then you can choose to take it on and try it out. As you live it discern the effects. Does it benefit you and others? Does it help you to understand more? What is the overall effect of it? Think about it, discern.

It is really good for us to ask ourselves, in our journaling time, such questions as –
Why do I believe/trust in all that I do believe to be true?
Does it feel ok for me to look at this question and to realise my world won’t fall down around me?
Why do we go along with what the majority believe as if it’s truth simply because so many go along with it?
I remember some years ago, reading The Grand Design by Patrick Francis. I would read a small part and then say ok that’s enough for me to digest for today. It was so different to how I understood reality to be at that time.  I was drawn to it. It did touch some fear/insecurity because it was so different but I realised that I could open my mind to this and take in what was ok for me and leave what was not and do it at my own pace. It was expanding my understanding of life. This was the first of many books on the way and now I can say how truly grateful I am for all I have learned and am learning. I love and welcome the new, new ideas and understanding and all we have the opportunity to discover.
Try this out over the next few weeks. Be aware of the ideas you dismiss easily. Ask yourself why you did and write about it. Look at the new ideas you hear that interest you and ask why they do and write about these. If you think they are worth following up, why not try living them to understand them more?


Replacing Negatives with Positives


Every time you feel judgement of another you can choose to go into your heart, tell yourself you do not wish harm to any other and just focus on love for yourself and the other.

Every time you feel tense [a very usual state of mind] you can choose to focus on peace. Think peace, feel peace. Build the soul energy of peace within.

When we build a Soul energy and call it in and replace anxiety and tension with peace, we begin to radiate that soul energy in our aura and out into the world.

You can choose to switch your attention from negative thoughts and to put your attention on love – thinking it, feeling it, building this Soul energy. It takes practice.

When you are with others and you find yourself concerned with what’s expected of you or what to talk about or such, you can choose to centre in your heart and love.




Personal Power 3



We develop our personal power by claiming it and using it –

To choose the thoughts we allow into our minds and those we don’t allow.

To make conscious choices.

To be true to our Selves.

To set goals – for example to overcome an addiction, learn a new skill, volunteer. To set goals and stick to them. Never give up. If you fall down, pick yourself up and start over, forgiving yourself, believing in yourself, always loving and firm with yourself.

To make plans – daily plans. It’s important to plan leisure time, too, or that just gets frittered away and you don’t feel the benefit of it.

To set up routines and structures such as a time you go to bed and a time you get up, a time to journal, a time to meditate, a time to walk, charging your mobile in the same place at the same time each day, putting keys away in the same place.

To set boundaries such as no screens after 9pm; checking emails once or twice daily but not continuously, similarly with your mobile: to limit social media time.

To choose to start the day with an attitude of strength, focusing on this before you get out of bed in the morning.

To live a life of purpose, a purposeful life.

To keep on keeping on and never give up. To choose to learn and grow and improve and to give of your best and enjoy life.

Personal Power is an attitude.  You can choose to hold an attitude of strength or of weakness at any moment.

To develop your personal power you also need to frequently repeat personal power affirmations, with strong positive emotion [this is important] such as –

I am strong, powerful and potent.

I am 100% powerful and decisive in everything I do.

I am powerful, centred and loving at all times.

I am powerful.

I can do anything I set my mind to do.

I am emotionally invulnerable to other people’s negativity.  Other people’s negative energy washes off me like water off a duck’s back.

We all have power within us but we need to claim it and use it and use it for good.

One essential personal power practice is to develop the habit of putting a Golden Force Field of protection up around yourself before you get out of bed and anytime negativity is coming up in yourself or from other people. This is like clothing yourself with the energy of love and when you do this regularly and, especially when other people are being negative, it helps you to not react but to choose how you will respond.

Simply say to yourself I put up my Golden Force Field of Love around me and then visualise it and feel it.


Learn from the Past


“Learn from the past, design the future and live in the Now.” Einstein

Learn from your past experiences. For example if your energy is low today, ask yourself why might that be and really think about what you did, ate, drank or didn’t, what was going on physically, psychologically, spiritually, everything about the day before. See if you can discover patterns that cause low energy in you or reactions of various kinds.

Don’t get stuck in regret – that drains your energy and wastes your life. Determine to learn, to grow, to be a better person.

Our mistakes can teach us and help us so much if we acknowledge them, allow no shame and journal about them so that we understand what the mistake can teach us.

We learn by making mistakes. Mistakes are positive. We aim not to make them but if we do, we love and forgive ourselves and seek to learn from them so that we can grow and improve.

Some mistakes we do make over and over because we are finding it difficult to change an old habit or pattern.

When we write about a repeated mistake in our journal and listen to what’s going on and why we keep making this mistake, we begin to understand why we are finding it such a challenge to change this pattern.

Some mistakes are, in our minds, very big, and we find it very difficult to forgive ourselves.  We are overcome by fear.  We get caught in self criticism and self abuse. This just keeps us stuck in fear and regret.

Many of us find it difficult to forgive any mistake we make and fall into self abuse and fear, even for the small mistakes.

This is the result of a faulty belief that we must measure up to the” never to be satisfied” standards of the critical inner parent who is always on our case, letting us know that we are never good enough, never worthy – that we must try to be perfect or we won’t be safe.



Personal Power 2


As a result of the hold fear has on us, we give our power away in very many ways.

We give our power away to our emotions when we let our emotions take over.  You might feel angry about what someone does and react with anger, giving your power away to your emotions. Instead, you could acknowledge your anger, see what has happened as your lesson and choose to learn from it. This way you are claiming your personal power and using it to help you to learn and grow. Remember, whenever you get upset, the cause of the upset is within you, in your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes, interpretations. The other person or situation is the trigger of your upset but not the cause.

We give our power away to other people when we depend on their advice rather than listening to our own inner guidance and using our conscious minds and common sense to discern what is best for us.  We give away our power, often, to people in authority or people with some importance in society.

We give away our power to our physical bodies when we don’t take charge of our bodies and let our body run us.

We give our power away to the media when we catch the fear that’s being put out.  We need to question and think about what we hear and choose what to listen to and what not to listen to.  Too much of the media is not helpful to us. A lot of it is negative repetition.

We give our power away to the weather when we let the weather dictate how we feel and behave.

People constantly give their power away to the ads believing what they say. Ads are powerful and we need to be very questioning and discerning and do our own research.

We give our power away to our inner child when we indulge ourselves, wallow, stay in our comfort zone, don’t face old fear habits and instead let them control us.

When you are not owning your personal power, you are a victim. You can’t help yourself if you don’t own your personal power.

Everything in life is teaching us to own our personal power. Personal power can help us in so many ways.

Working with Personal power will help you to be more focused and clear in your life, to take charge, to develop confidence, to learn to be true to your Self while also honouring and respecting others. It will help you to use your time far more efficiently by making daily plans, watching time wasters and being more focused and organised.  It will help you to respond rather than react and to manage stress. It will help you to make conscious choices and to set goals for yourself and stick to them. It will help you to push negative thoughts out of your mind and to replace these with positive, Spiritual ones. It will help you to take action and stop the habit of procrastination. It will help you to develop determination, discipline, courage, decisiveness detachment and persistence and to never give up or give into defeat. It will help you to think about what you were going to say and choose whether to say it or not and to be clear about your motives in any given situation.

We can only be really effective in life when we claim and use our personal power.