Self enquiry is such an important part of learning, growing, healing, discovering the diamond that we truly are underneath all the mud on our diamond. As you work to understand what in you is causing you to get angry or hurt, to react, to get pulled into negativity, you begin to see how it is your thoughts, beliefs, attitudes and interpretations that are the cause of your reactions. You begin to see how other people and situations are the trigger but not the cause.
You are acknowledging and looking into your own faults and weaknesses rather than being focused on what you think the other person needs to correct. It takes courage and being honest with yourself to acknowledge your part in any upset.
Now we resist this because we don’t want to see the cause as being within us and at first it doesn’t make sense to us. You think but that person was so wrong, so unfair; it was the other person who reacted first; that person attacked me so I must stand up for myself otherwise I’m just being a doormat and how will they know how wrong they were if I don’t let them know by being angry with them, let them know how badly they made me feel.
Yes the other person most likely is acting from negative ego, too, but you don’t have to catch the dis-ease and react. This changes nothing and just keeps us stuck in repeating the same old patterns over and over.
We have looked outward for so long. We do this because this is what we learned. Also, we fear the idea of being wrong, the one who needs to correct behaviour because we deep down have such a poor self image.
The amazing thing is that as you have the courage and honesty to see your own part in any upset – and it’s essential to do this with love and firmness – you find all the beauty of your being and you have much more understanding of others and compassion for them. You are more merciful and less judgemental. You see how we are all dealing with the same old negative ego stuff and we are all diamonds, all Souls, on a Spiritual path home to the truth of who we are and why we are here.
Our tendency when we make a mistake, think we have been in the wrong, is to give ourselves a hard time. This is one habit we must unlearn and replace. Self abuse does not help us to learn, to improve. It only deflates us and leaves us feeling bad, wrong, unlovable, unworthy, a failure – confirming our false belief that we are not good enough. All illusion.
When you make a mistake, get angry, react, write about it in your journal so you understand why you reacted and tell yourself you do not want to do this again – you intend to learn, to improve, and you will work out how to help yourself to do this. Every day give time to listening to yourself, understanding why you reacted and being creative as to how to help yourself.
It can really help, too, to re-write the situation where you reacted with you responding the way you would like to. This firms up your resolution to improve and to be more prepared the next time this lesson comes up.
Keep determined to learn and improve and support yourself to do this and never give yourself a hard time.